Most of you know by now that Aaron and I are expecting our third little bundle of joy. We are so excited! To have another little one join our family, is amazing. Each little one brings so much joy and different gifts. Every child is wonderful and I can't help feeling the desire to protect and love those children I see suffering in the world where they are having natural disasters and wars and other things like it.
Since about Christmas time I have been very sick with this pregnancy. I don't think I have ever felt this entirely sick before, for so long. After a while it is difficult to remember that I can be normal and accomplish the stuff I need to and want to. All I remember is that I don't have the ability to do much. In a way I feel worthless. I can barely take care of myself and my girls. In fact, sometimes, I can't take care of us. I have come to feel a greater understanding of those who are sick or unwell. Compassion, I have come to realize comes to us through our own times of weakness. There are many people who don't understand others weaknesses, and cannot tolerate them, in fact we all are probably guilty of that to some degree. My mother keeps telling me, you can have a clean house or a baby, which do you want? I know that is very wise and I need to keep that in mind, but it is still difficult to not be able to do something. In fact the worst part of that is the huge lack of desire to do a lot. And when I do do a lot of work it makes me very ill.
Well, that is just my way of trying to explain the way I have felt through this pregnancy so far, and to tell those of you who are sick with every pregnancy the entire time, I now have a greater sympathy.
2 comments:
CONGRATULATIONS GIRL!!!
That is such great news. I am so so sorry that you have been so sick. I was sicker with this one as well. A lot of women told me that they we sickest with their 3rd babies.
How far are you along. I seemed to feel much better after entering the second trimester. Oh, girl I hope you get feeling better soon.
Take care, Bre.
Katie I am so excited for you! I had no idea. Congrats girl.
On the sick front. I totally understand you. In each pregnancy I have lost about 15 pounds during the first trimester. (obviously I gained it back and then some) But it is a difficult challenge to deal with when you have other children to take care of.
In the past I have allowed myself to feel immense guilt over my lack of mothering my children during a pregnancy. It took me three pregnancies to figure out that kids can survive on cheese sticks and crackers,they can forgive me for the times I yelled from the couch and they have forgotten all about the mess and traumatic images of mommy not keeping food down.
Don't worry about what others may think. You are in survival mode for a while. Your house can be a complete pig sty and your neighbors will understand. Your husband can come home to a bowl of cereal for dinner,see you in sweats and a pony tail and he will admire the sacrifice you are making.
It's hard to envision the final product, but when you are holding that soft squishy baby, you'll be able to say that every hour was worth it!
ps. I wish I lived close enough to help you out. Sometimes all you need is a place for the kids to play, or someone to put the smelly rags in the wash. How about someone to bring a cooked meal over. Sure wish I could do those things for you. Hang in there.
hugs
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